DON'T TOK SINGLISH LAH !
AhGer: Ayo, AhBoy... wo de tian ah! why you tok like dat, hah?
AhBoy: Abuden... I orways tok like this one. From young-young that time I oredy tok like dis. I can forever remember when in primary school I orways say to my best friend "I don't friend you". Then teacher so angry, will pull my ear and tell me don't use wrong Engrish. Then I very sad I cry and cry. But now I grow up oredy, I see everyone go on the line all oso like to say "I friend you, you friend me". See lah, actually I oredy very smart last time hor? Now I feel so fed-up I want to go and pull that teacher's ear. Then see his malu face I will feel shiok. That teacher ah, he donno actually I am genius.
AhGer: But Singrish no good to hear rah. Sound damn weirdo one. The angmo-pai peepur hear already their hair all will stand up, then they straight way will know you are AhBeng AhLian type. But I is different, because I am angmo-pai. When I tok high-class Engrish with all the angmo dua-ghee, I oso feel damn shiok, feel very sarki.
AhBoy: Ya lah ya la, can't blame you oso lah, I know you is SPG type, dat's why you like angmo ghee so much, can twang-twang pure Engrish with them, hehe.
Rebecca: Eh AhGer, why you so goondu, hah. We use this Singlish like second nature, so why you so high class must tok pure Engrish, hah? You know I know, we speak like this everyday one what. This is our unique no frills way of tokking. I luv it, cos it sounds refreshing, oso very comfortable and efficient to use, becos no need think very hard about grammar and all that unnecessary nonsense. Must speak Singrish well then can consider as an ortentic Singkie mah, If Singkie cannot even speak their ownself's lingo, then better don't be Singkie lah.
Michelle: I know a few angmo expats living in all the condo here, they also learn some Singlish. In fact, to them it's a language in its own right, with its own unique rules and style. Once they get the hang of using it, they'll sure find it hip to be able to spiak Singlish fluently just like the locals. They would then feel a proud sense of empowerment and achievement to be able to buddy-buddy with native locals by tokking with them in their lingo.
AhGer: Eh Rebecca, you don't tok cock rah. And you don't anyhow say I goondu okay? I say you more goondu than me. Nowsaday peepur orways ask us to improve our Engrish. If we orways tok like dis, the angmo-pai peepur will treat us like dirt, man. They sure will see us no up, say we are helicotter.
Rebecca: Oso cannot say like that lah. I say out you oso dowant believe - last time even got one angmo guy he ask me teach him Singrish and oso want to pay me fat tuition fee. But I paisay, treating me like those graduate giving Engrish tuition. Then at last I give him free tuition lor. He feeling so happy, then always blanja me many many good things until I so happy.
Mariam: Adoi... you are so lucky. And so satki can be Singlish teacher.
Ericia: But for me no choice leh - I tok like this since I born out, I never feel paisay one. When I tok Singrish, I like to tok proper Singrish. Like this then can express myself well, mah. What for pretend to tok high crass Engrish if Singrish is our own native language? Everywhere in the world oso got their own native language. Peepur hear us tok oso can straight away tell we are native from here. Like this no good meh? I like.
Joanne: What peepur? Peepur your head lah, donno how to say ploperly don't say, ok? But I think if local peeple still donno know how to speak Singrish, is really can chio see lung, you say ya not? Must be proud of our own language mah. Everyone oso can understand Singrish.
AhGer: You sure know what, not dat I wan to be high class rah. If I learn to tok high-class a bit, maybe one day got chance can oso go join that Tatter cocktail bash. Then can rub-rub our shoulder, hold wine-glass and smell-smell, then pose-pose for magazine and photo album. Can feel deep sense of belonging, like dat then really got class mah, you say no good meh? I not crazy one.
Patricia: Aiyo, tell you hor, last time I visit that high-class mewsiam gallery somewhere, every time I open my mouth tok with my flend, peepur all stare-stare at us, like we come from outer space like that. Walan-eh feel damn malu, boy. See their face like want to faster call guards chase us out like dat. Lucky we smart, faster-faster chabot first. If not, they sure forever remember us one. Then even next time we got money becum novo they will still stop us, say we got alot money but got no class, oso cannot come, hahaha.
Michelle: Eh goondu, listen lah. It doesn't matter how you speak. As long as you can think cheem-cheem and behave properly and feel proud of it, all those whatever-pai people can go and fly their kites, man. Why must feel perturbed about it at all?
AhBoy: Alamak! Michelle... how can say like dat lah... In future, I want to do big things mah. If I don't learn to be more high-class, like that surely will kena left far far behind one.
Adrian: Oso hor, if our Engrish not enoughly high standard ah, can damn bledy easy for those cheem angmo-pai to bluff us one. And they can bluff us until we can't swallow one. Like that is forever very very malu one, very paisay. That's why so important must learn some cheem Engrish. Better still learn some idiotmatic Engrish. Like that the angmo-pai got no chance to borak us, treat us just like gong-gong AhLian-AhBeng, not sofiscated and easy to bluff. If we become cheemer a bit, then people won't forever remember us in their mind, say we suagoo got no class mah, tio boh?
Fanny: Ya hor? If we don't know cheem Engrish can so easy kena bluff by others one. Then, eee... gross! Can be so embrassing to others one. Me oso nowsaday very scared to kena interview one. If kena, I hope can just spiak little bit Singrish only. If tok too much, all the angmo-pai peepur can't stand then sure will laugh until loud loud one.
Sharon: Aiya, we not angmo, why must want us speak like angmo? I always think if angmo want to mix well with us, they should learn some Singrish lah. Then will integrate and get along fine, and we no need pretend-pretend to use angmo to slang-slang with them.
Bertha: Wa, I also tink the same way. We must not mix up Singrish with Engrish. Engrish is Engrish, Singrish is Singrish, they are two different languages, though they sound a bit like the same. If all the English experts can also speak Singrish, then that is ideal mah, you agree? I strongly tink Singrish is great for us. Like dat then got our own unique character and identity in the world mah. Angmos won't laugh at us one, maybe only we laugh at ourself, like they say, ownself sabo ownself, haha... And I dare bet, as time passes, Singrish will become more and more the mainstream local lingo.
Michelle: Harnor harnor... how many times must I tell you all, if we are proud of the way we spiak, it doesn't matter what other people think. It's how you do things and get good results that matter more. Just don't act artificial and you will be okay. For example, if you don't slang-slang, people won't be irritated. In fact ah, I know some people who are damn expert at mimicking angmo accents but they don't know much about grammar and syntax. Furthermore, our culture is our own sweet culture, man - I would say it's unique and pleasant, got character and local flavour. We have immersion in it every day. And we express ourselves best in the language we know best. Who is to say it's not acceptable?
Miko: Actually this hot issue of Singrish many people oredy debate until all their face red-red like want to fight. It is the natural way we tok, mah. I can't understand why all the people still so against it? Actually got nothing wrong with it. It is our own unique culture, just like other people everywhere all oso got their own unique culture. Culture is culture what. Why must want to change people's culture? Impossible to change one, lah. Even you don't like it oso must need to lan-lan accept it. It's actually evolution of language, mah.
Fanny: And oso nowsaday you can hear all small-small children tok like this with their parents and oso their friends in schoo and after schoo. Like dat how to change, you tell me. Change must come from inside one mah. How we speak is actually how we tink. Some more, you everyday mix with peepur spiaking bad Engrish, even if you are Engrish professor you oso slowly-slowly one day will speak very good Singrish, mah. Becos when you tok Singrish, you yourself oso don't know you tokking Singrish. Change, change, change... you think so easy say change then can change meh? Duh.
Adrian: Ya lor, one thing I can't tahan is many parents spiak very bad Engrish. They whole day tok Singrish to their young-young children. Like dat how you expect the children learn high-class Engrish? And like dat all the Engrish teachers' effort in school sure all become wasted. Scarly the school teacher will kena blame for nothing, because parents will say they never teach them hard enough. Quite jialat for all the teachers, because everywhere oso can hear people tokking Singrish.
Michelle: Ya, once the brain is thinking in other language, it's very hard to oso think in English. That's why many children so poor thing, kena scolding by teacher for using bad English, which is actually not their fault.
AhBoy: But peepur like Michelle is different... she ownself choose to tok Singrish one, becos she is bilingual in Engrish and Singrish. But we no choice must tok Singrish, because we only expert in Singrish.
Joanne: And talking about angmo slang hor, I never visit Western country in my whole life, where got chance to slang-slang with angmo ah? If I stay Western country few months I sure oso slang-slang like hell with them. Come back sure oso got lespectable slang sound. Then I sure feel proud can tok like real angmo. Then maybe oso can join some talentime for slanging. I sure can sapu top prize one. Then whole world sure will know I got talent.
Patricia: In talentime is okay. But in our normal life hor, angmo slang can be out of place one. Like one time in crowded food court, I heard one woman tokking with her angmo friend. Walan, she damn expert in her slanging. I can feel many peepur around try to pretend hide their irritated face and feeling so uneasy. Sure got some will say some unpleasant thing one. Actually can't blame them because slang-slang is so foreign and out of place, mah.
Rebecca: Ya lor. We live here if we cannot spiak Singrish well, and every time only tok like a high-class angmo, then very hard to survive one. Wait maybe oso can kena whack for nothing. I remember last time I oso got learn little bit of cheem ecology in school. Actually ecology is the natural outcome of everything, something like dat. If we don't adapt to the natural ecology, foreign things all hard to survive one. I think Singrish then is really in our natural ecology. Who knows, by the slow process of evolution, Singlish may possibly become an important local dialect. You think I say correct or not?
AhBoy: Wa, you very the cheem.
Ericia: Ayo... you all always argue about this and that, Make me feel so blur. But I very admire Michelle. She can be cheem anytime because her Engrish oredy so paful and her brain really so cheem. My friends say all the cheem angmos even kowtow to her becos she oso can make them laugh and laugh non-stop until they all lie down and rolling on the floor.
Michelle: Eh you ah... don't lah, forever praising me... make me red face lah. But I am only doing what comes naturally. So actually no big deal lah. Anyway, don't look down on yourself. You so pretty, sure got happy future. If lucky, maybe a sweet loaded old ah-pek will take you in and make you a very proud tai-tai. Then you forever got no more money worries lor, since you sure can buy anything in this world. And can just sit and shake legs, and tok as much Singrish as you like with all your angmo-pai high-tea and karaoke kakis hor?
Ericia: Ya, I oso agree. Hope can be like that lor. But frankly ah, we so lucky got Michelle as friend hor?. Because she got so good heart and so understanding and humble to everyone. If without Michelle ah, I oso don't know can survive or not man, since my Engrish so koyak. Lucky still got Michelle so buddy-buddy with us all, and oso advise us about life. We really sayang you so much.
AhBoy: Abuden... I orways tok like this one. From young-young that time I oredy tok like dis. I can forever remember when in primary school I orways say to my best friend "I don't friend you". Then teacher so angry, will pull my ear and tell me don't use wrong Engrish. Then I very sad I cry and cry. But now I grow up oredy, I see everyone go on the line all oso like to say "I friend you, you friend me". See lah, actually I oredy very smart last time hor? Now I feel so fed-up I want to go and pull that teacher's ear. Then see his malu face I will feel shiok. That teacher ah, he donno actually I am genius.
AhGer: But Singrish no good to hear rah. Sound damn weirdo one. The angmo-pai peepur hear already their hair all will stand up, then they straight way will know you are AhBeng AhLian type. But I is different, because I am angmo-pai. When I tok high-class Engrish with all the angmo dua-ghee, I oso feel damn shiok, feel very sarki.
AhBoy: Ya lah ya la, can't blame you oso lah, I know you is SPG type, dat's why you like angmo ghee so much, can twang-twang pure Engrish with them, hehe.
Rebecca: Eh AhGer, why you so goondu, hah. We use this Singlish like second nature, so why you so high class must tok pure Engrish, hah? You know I know, we speak like this everyday one what. This is our unique no frills way of tokking. I luv it, cos it sounds refreshing, oso very comfortable and efficient to use, becos no need think very hard about grammar and all that unnecessary nonsense. Must speak Singrish well then can consider as an ortentic Singkie mah, If Singkie cannot even speak their ownself's lingo, then better don't be Singkie lah.
Michelle: I know a few angmo expats living in all the condo here, they also learn some Singlish. In fact, to them it's a language in its own right, with its own unique rules and style. Once they get the hang of using it, they'll sure find it hip to be able to spiak Singlish fluently just like the locals. They would then feel a proud sense of empowerment and achievement to be able to buddy-buddy with native locals by tokking with them in their lingo.
AhGer: Eh Rebecca, you don't tok cock rah. And you don't anyhow say I goondu okay? I say you more goondu than me. Nowsaday peepur orways ask us to improve our Engrish. If we orways tok like dis, the angmo-pai peepur will treat us like dirt, man. They sure will see us no up, say we are helicotter.
Rebecca: Oso cannot say like that lah. I say out you oso dowant believe - last time even got one angmo guy he ask me teach him Singrish and oso want to pay me fat tuition fee. But I paisay, treating me like those graduate giving Engrish tuition. Then at last I give him free tuition lor. He feeling so happy, then always blanja me many many good things until I so happy.
Mariam: Adoi... you are so lucky. And so satki can be Singlish teacher.
Ericia: But for me no choice leh - I tok like this since I born out, I never feel paisay one. When I tok Singrish, I like to tok proper Singrish. Like this then can express myself well, mah. What for pretend to tok high crass Engrish if Singrish is our own native language? Everywhere in the world oso got their own native language. Peepur hear us tok oso can straight away tell we are native from here. Like this no good meh? I like.
Joanne: What peepur? Peepur your head lah, donno how to say ploperly don't say, ok? But I think if local peeple still donno know how to speak Singrish, is really can chio see lung, you say ya not? Must be proud of our own language mah. Everyone oso can understand Singrish.
AhGer: You sure know what, not dat I wan to be high class rah. If I learn to tok high-class a bit, maybe one day got chance can oso go join that Tatter cocktail bash. Then can rub-rub our shoulder, hold wine-glass and smell-smell, then pose-pose for magazine and photo album. Can feel deep sense of belonging, like dat then really got class mah, you say no good meh? I not crazy one.
Patricia: Aiyo, tell you hor, last time I visit that high-class mewsiam gallery somewhere, every time I open my mouth tok with my flend, peepur all stare-stare at us, like we come from outer space like that. Walan-eh feel damn malu, boy. See their face like want to faster call guards chase us out like dat. Lucky we smart, faster-faster chabot first. If not, they sure forever remember us one. Then even next time we got money becum novo they will still stop us, say we got alot money but got no class, oso cannot come, hahaha.
Michelle: Eh goondu, listen lah. It doesn't matter how you speak. As long as you can think cheem-cheem and behave properly and feel proud of it, all those whatever-pai people can go and fly their kites, man. Why must feel perturbed about it at all?
AhBoy: Alamak! Michelle... how can say like dat lah... In future, I want to do big things mah. If I don't learn to be more high-class, like that surely will kena left far far behind one.
Adrian: Oso hor, if our Engrish not enoughly high standard ah, can damn bledy easy for those cheem angmo-pai to bluff us one. And they can bluff us until we can't swallow one. Like that is forever very very malu one, very paisay. That's why so important must learn some cheem Engrish. Better still learn some idiotmatic Engrish. Like that the angmo-pai got no chance to borak us, treat us just like gong-gong AhLian-AhBeng, not sofiscated and easy to bluff. If we become cheemer a bit, then people won't forever remember us in their mind, say we suagoo got no class mah, tio boh?
Fanny: Ya hor? If we don't know cheem Engrish can so easy kena bluff by others one. Then, eee... gross! Can be so embrassing to others one. Me oso nowsaday very scared to kena interview one. If kena, I hope can just spiak little bit Singrish only. If tok too much, all the angmo-pai peepur can't stand then sure will laugh until loud loud one.
Sharon: Aiya, we not angmo, why must want us speak like angmo? I always think if angmo want to mix well with us, they should learn some Singrish lah. Then will integrate and get along fine, and we no need pretend-pretend to use angmo to slang-slang with them.
Bertha: Wa, I also tink the same way. We must not mix up Singrish with Engrish. Engrish is Engrish, Singrish is Singrish, they are two different languages, though they sound a bit like the same. If all the English experts can also speak Singrish, then that is ideal mah, you agree? I strongly tink Singrish is great for us. Like dat then got our own unique character and identity in the world mah. Angmos won't laugh at us one, maybe only we laugh at ourself, like they say, ownself sabo ownself, haha... And I dare bet, as time passes, Singrish will become more and more the mainstream local lingo.
Michelle: Harnor harnor... how many times must I tell you all, if we are proud of the way we spiak, it doesn't matter what other people think. It's how you do things and get good results that matter more. Just don't act artificial and you will be okay. For example, if you don't slang-slang, people won't be irritated. In fact ah, I know some people who are damn expert at mimicking angmo accents but they don't know much about grammar and syntax. Furthermore, our culture is our own sweet culture, man - I would say it's unique and pleasant, got character and local flavour. We have immersion in it every day. And we express ourselves best in the language we know best. Who is to say it's not acceptable?
Miko: Actually this hot issue of Singrish many people oredy debate until all their face red-red like want to fight. It is the natural way we tok, mah. I can't understand why all the people still so against it? Actually got nothing wrong with it. It is our own unique culture, just like other people everywhere all oso got their own unique culture. Culture is culture what. Why must want to change people's culture? Impossible to change one, lah. Even you don't like it oso must need to lan-lan accept it. It's actually evolution of language, mah.
Fanny: And oso nowsaday you can hear all small-small children tok like this with their parents and oso their friends in schoo and after schoo. Like dat how to change, you tell me. Change must come from inside one mah. How we speak is actually how we tink. Some more, you everyday mix with peepur spiaking bad Engrish, even if you are Engrish professor you oso slowly-slowly one day will speak very good Singrish, mah. Becos when you tok Singrish, you yourself oso don't know you tokking Singrish. Change, change, change... you think so easy say change then can change meh? Duh.
Adrian: Ya lor, one thing I can't tahan is many parents spiak very bad Engrish. They whole day tok Singrish to their young-young children. Like dat how you expect the children learn high-class Engrish? And like dat all the Engrish teachers' effort in school sure all become wasted. Scarly the school teacher will kena blame for nothing, because parents will say they never teach them hard enough. Quite jialat for all the teachers, because everywhere oso can hear people tokking Singrish.
Michelle: Ya, once the brain is thinking in other language, it's very hard to oso think in English. That's why many children so poor thing, kena scolding by teacher for using bad English, which is actually not their fault.
AhBoy: But peepur like Michelle is different... she ownself choose to tok Singrish one, becos she is bilingual in Engrish and Singrish. But we no choice must tok Singrish, because we only expert in Singrish.
Joanne: And talking about angmo slang hor, I never visit Western country in my whole life, where got chance to slang-slang with angmo ah? If I stay Western country few months I sure oso slang-slang like hell with them. Come back sure oso got lespectable slang sound. Then I sure feel proud can tok like real angmo. Then maybe oso can join some talentime for slanging. I sure can sapu top prize one. Then whole world sure will know I got talent.
Patricia: In talentime is okay. But in our normal life hor, angmo slang can be out of place one. Like one time in crowded food court, I heard one woman tokking with her angmo friend. Walan, she damn expert in her slanging. I can feel many peepur around try to pretend hide their irritated face and feeling so uneasy. Sure got some will say some unpleasant thing one. Actually can't blame them because slang-slang is so foreign and out of place, mah.
Rebecca: Ya lor. We live here if we cannot spiak Singrish well, and every time only tok like a high-class angmo, then very hard to survive one. Wait maybe oso can kena whack for nothing. I remember last time I oso got learn little bit of cheem ecology in school. Actually ecology is the natural outcome of everything, something like dat. If we don't adapt to the natural ecology, foreign things all hard to survive one. I think Singrish then is really in our natural ecology. Who knows, by the slow process of evolution, Singlish may possibly become an important local dialect. You think I say correct or not?
AhBoy: Wa, you very the cheem.
Ericia: Ayo... you all always argue about this and that, Make me feel so blur. But I very admire Michelle. She can be cheem anytime because her Engrish oredy so paful and her brain really so cheem. My friends say all the cheem angmos even kowtow to her becos she oso can make them laugh and laugh non-stop until they all lie down and rolling on the floor.
Michelle: Eh you ah... don't lah, forever praising me... make me red face lah. But I am only doing what comes naturally. So actually no big deal lah. Anyway, don't look down on yourself. You so pretty, sure got happy future. If lucky, maybe a sweet loaded old ah-pek will take you in and make you a very proud tai-tai. Then you forever got no more money worries lor, since you sure can buy anything in this world. And can just sit and shake legs, and tok as much Singrish as you like with all your angmo-pai high-tea and karaoke kakis hor?
Ericia: Ya, I oso agree. Hope can be like that lor. But frankly ah, we so lucky got Michelle as friend hor?. Because she got so good heart and so understanding and humble to everyone. If without Michelle ah, I oso don't know can survive or not man, since my Engrish so koyak. Lucky still got Michelle so buddy-buddy with us all, and oso advise us about life. We really sayang you so much.
